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A Limited Life: A Purpose for a Living Literature October 11, 2007

Posted by Yvonne in Evolution of We, Power of Dialogue.
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Interesting to me that in my most recent post, I left out a key learning:

Just a day after I’d heard about Mea’s death, and before I’d gone back east to be with the family, I was at home, just in the kitchen doing some mindless domestic chore – cooking or doing the dishes – and this mild sort of beautiful sadness of an ache came over me. There was emotion, and it was the first time I regreted not being a mom. Odd really, that the reason I should have that regret is because I’d never be able to experience having my heart broken by my child. Most people regret not having the joys of a parent, but for me – I missed the sorrow. Very odd.

Then I realized: as I have a spiritual teacher and when he passed I had a particular human experience of what the loss of that kind of relationship is. Anyone who didn’t have that kind of relationship in life would never experience that kind of human experience.

A human life is so limited. We can only experience what we setup and provide for ourselves. We can only get the kind of surprises and joys and sorrows that we put ourselves in the way of.

So I do sometimes envy those who have the possibility of experiencing the surprises and joys and sorrows that I haven’t set my life up for, and may never be able to experience.

So please everyone, would you have those experiences really, really fully? And then share with others how it is? Because if you don’t, we are going to miss them completely … and we really only have you to give us a glimpse …

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1. Yvonne - February 21, 2008

Posted for my friend Sue —–
Dearest Yvonne, I haven’t come to visit in some time and have been thinking CA and people to connect with. As a mother now for nearly 22 years with my oldest ready to graduate college in a couple months I do reflect on all these years. I look at old pictures of us, me in my younger youth and she and I travelling Europe and having strange, hurried, and chaotic experiences. A single mother for many of these child rearing years I have often been esteemed for my energy ‘how do you do it ?’ And I often, daily, nightly, think oh if I could just do so much more. Their little personalities grow and sometimes you jibe and sometimes not. Truthfully, I wonder if I was really cutout for it all and if I my perpetual need for solitude and isolation has not been to their detriment. At times I am an empty vessel and wonder how I can manage to muster the emotional and spiritual strength for them – now that I still have 2 teens at home. The answer is they inspire me with their nature and I am pleased to know that they are beautiful spirits in their own right and will have wonderfully lives; regardless of what I have done or not done. For good or bad, I have not sheltered them from the ills of the world or the madness of this clan. I breast fed and clothe diapered them and I hope they will forgive me for occassionally walking around in the nude.

Cheers and big hug

(if you would post this for me I would appreciate)
Thanks for listening. I so need to write!!! Thanks as always for the inspiration!
Sue


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